BOUNDARIES: Fuel for Self-Confidence, Self-Empowerment and Self-Respect
We can’t talk about self-confidence, self-empowerment, and self-respect without talking about boundaries. Boundaries are intentional acts of separation between you and another person whom you believe is not treating you with kindness, respect, and a sense of humanity. Boundaries say, “If you choose to treat me with disrespect, and hurtful guilt ridden techniques, you are not allowed to be part of my world. I am self-confident, self-empowered and have self-respect. And I choose to only surround myself with those people who understand, support, and respect me—period. Treating me with kindness, respect, and a sense of humanity is not optional.” Boundaries are necessary when you need to keep yourself healthy and free from toxic energy others are choosing to put into the world.
It’s very difficult to maintain a sense of self-confidence, self-empowerment, and self-respect when you have people around you who don’t respect your energy. If they’re not respecting your energy, they’re not respecting you, and you need to create a boundary. To create boundaries you have to name these people, and consciously make a decision to only associate with them when necessary. Yes, you’re going to name people in the business whom you see and work with every day. That’s okay. See them, and work with them, but know you have intentionally created a boundary that states their energy, their emotions, and their choices are theirs and not yours. And make a commitment to yourself that until this person can show up in life as a healthy, functional human being, your interactions will only be out of necessity. Remember the saying, “What’s theirs is theirs. What’s mine is mine. Let none of theirs be mine. Let none of mine be theirs.” Here’s the beauty about boundaries: Everyone thinks you have to state out loud to a specific person that you have created a boundary and they’re on the other side of it, but, through the power of energy and intention, simply stating to yourself that you’ve created a boundary will make that boundary appear.
In a business that thrives on healthy energy, boundaries are less of an issue, because once a business is able to circulate healthy energy throughout its culture, respect is everywhere and the need for boundaries lessens. Notice I said lessens, not dissipates. No matter how good the energy in your business is, you will always have people in different phases of owning their personal power. You will most likely never have a business where everyone is 100-percent self-confident, self-empowered, and full of self-respect. It’s a process, and the journey is different for everyone.
The last piece on boundaries is the most important, and it goes back to the personal power practice of accepting nothing less than respect.
Never create a boundary out of anger, hurt, shame, or guilt. The minute you do, all that negative energy ends up getting stuck on your side of the boundary, and it becomes incredibly difficult to get rid of. A boundary made from anger, hurt, shame, and guilt is a boundary rooted in baggage that you now get to carry with you everywhere—even though it’s not yours to carry. Before you set a boundary, make sure you can see the other person as a human being who hurts, loves, laughs, and is trying to make it through this world just as you are. Set the boundary with his best interests in mind, and with the intention that the boundary won’t have to last forever. Boundaries are purposefully meant to give people the space and time they need to establish strength in self-confidence, self-empowerment, and self-respect. That strength will resurface through amazing creative expression that will no doubt fuel change and growth for any business.